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Kids 
None of the jokes, funnies and one-liners are meant to insult, hurt or cause harm to anyone. If it does, we apologize sincerely. If you want anything taken off our site, please email us and we will review your request for consideration. Some of the launguage may be inappropriate for anyone under 16
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HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHOM TO MARRY? (Written by kids)
You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming.
-- Alan, age 10
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No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with.
-- Kristen, age 10
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WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?
Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then.
-- Camille, age 10
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HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?
You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids.
-- Derrick, age 8
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WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?
Both don't want any more kids.
-- Lori, age 8
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WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?
Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough.
-- Lynnette, age 8 (isn't she a treasure)
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On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that Usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date.
-- Martin, age 10
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WHAT WOULD YOU DO ON A FIRST DATE THAT WAS TURNING SOUR?
I'd run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns.
-- Craig, age 9
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WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?
When they're rich.
-- Pam, age 7 (smart girl)
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The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with that.
- - Curt, age 7
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The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It's the right thing to do.
-- Howard, age 8
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IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?
It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them.
-- Anita, age 9 (bless you child)
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HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T G ET MARRIED?
There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there?
-- Kelvin, age 8
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And the #1 Favorite is........
HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?
Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a truck.
-- Ricky, age 10
What test??
Two children were sitting outside a clinic. One of them was crying very loudly.
2nd Child: Why are you crying?
1st Child: I came here for blood test.
2nd Child: So? Are you afraid?
1st Child: No. Not that. For the blood test, they cut my finger.
After hearing this, the second one started crying. The first one was astonished.
1st Child: Why are you crying now?
2nd Child: I have come for my urine test!
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| FUNNY QUOTES
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SIXTH SENSE
A father put his three year old daughter to bed,
told her a story and listened to her prayers which she
ended by saying "God bless Mommy, God bless daddy,
God bless grandma and good-bye grandpa."
The father asked, "Why did you say good-bye
grandpa?"
The little girl said, "I don't know daddy, it just
seemed like the thing to do."
The next day grandpa died.
The father thought it was a strange coincidence.
A few months later the father put the girl to bed
and listened to her prayers, which went like this: "God
bless Mommy, God Bless daddy and good-bye grandma."
The next day the grandmother died.
Oh my god, thought the father, this kid is in
contact with the other side.
Several weeks later when the girl was going to bed
the dad heard her say, "God bless Mommy and good-bye
daddy."
He practically went into shock. He couldn't sleep
all night and got up at the crack of dawn to go to his
office. He was nervous as a cat all day, had lunch
sent in and watched the clock. He figured if he
could get by until midnight he would be okay. He
felt safe in the office, so instead of going home at the
end of the day he stayed there, drinking coffee,
looking at his watch and jumping at every sound.
Finally midnight arrived, he breathed a sigh of relief and went
home.
When he got home his wife said "I've never seen you
work so late, what's the matter?" He said "I don't want to talk about it, I've just
spent the worst day of my life."
She said "You think you had a bad day, you'll never
believe what happened to me. This morning the
milkman dropped dead on our porch."
Ooops
An American tourist goes on a overseas trip.
While abroad, he was very sexually promiscuous and does not use a condom at all.
A week after arriving back home, he wakes up to find his penis covered with bright green and purple bumps.
Horrified, he immediately goes to see a doctor. The doctor, never having seen anything like it, orders some tests and tells the man to return in two days.
The man returns in a couple of days and the doctor says: "I've got bad news for you. You've contracted a form of Mongolian VD. It's very rare and almost unheard of here. We know very little about it".
The man looks a little perplexed and says: "Well, give me a shot or something and fix me up, doc". The doctor answers: "I'm sorry, there's no known cure.
We're going to have to amputate your penis".
The man screams ! In horror, "Absolutely not! I want a second opinion".
The doctor replies: "Well, it's your choice. Go ahead if you want, but surgery is your only choice".
The next day, the man seeks out a Chinese doctor, figuring that he'll know more about the disease.
The Chinese doctor examines his penis and proclaims: "Ah, yes, Mongolian VD. Very rare disease".
The guy says to the doctor: "Yeah, yeah, I already know that!, but what we can do? My American doctor wants to operate and amputate my penis?"
The Chinese doctor shakes his head and laughs: "Stupid American doctor, always want to operate. Make more money, that way. No need to operate!"
"Oh, Thank God!", the man replies.
"Yes", says the Chinese doctor, "Don't worry! Wait two weeks, penis fall off by itself! You save money."
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